Old Scars – New Pain

Dear Diary,

I let you in a on a secret. Well, it is not a secret. It is something people prefer not to talk about even if stares them in the face. It stares them from my face…

 

I am a Cleftie. I was born with cleft lip and cleft palate. I went through hell and back so many times I can’t even remember. Mind you, the operations, the recovery, the treatment, special child care and constant exercises and improvements were not the worst of it.

The hell in my life were the kids. Little kids are cruel. Teenagers, especially teenage girls, are monsters. They are cruel and cold beyond belief. They think that their straight noses and correctly curved lips give them the right to judge, to call names, to come up with pranks and painful tricks….

This was my hell. My teenage hell. If it wasn’t for unconditional love and support from my parents and grandparents, I have no idea what would have happened. Also, thankfully, I had an option to change schools. So, I run away. I left the monsters behind, hoping for better place, better classmates. I found them in another town. My bestest friends and classmates…. Well, not all of them, but still…

Another pain came from realisation that the worst monsters were the girls I considered my closest friends. This was the hardest thing to believe in, but it was true. Girls will be girls. They are jealous, envious, creative and rational bunch of species. They know from very early on what buttons to push, especially if you let them close.

Why am I writing all this? Well, I thought I was over all of it. I was over and well. I was strong. However, I saw this movie trailer yesterday and cried my eyes out. In fact, I could not stop crying the whole night. I never thought I could cry so much and so freely.

Wonder The Movie brought back all the painful memories. It also brought back the best memories of my childhood: my true friends, my granddad doing special exercises with me, my mum spending sleepless nights with me and my dad sleeping in baby cot next to my hospital bed. Many many great memories. I treasure them forever and would not change a thing…

I am such a cry baby that I am crying right now writing this post. However, what I am going to do this weekend is to go to CleftPals meeting with my mum and share my story there for all the mums and kids to hear and to get strength from.

I hope I can help. I hope I am strong enough.