Tumbling Tuesday – Thoughts

All thoughts are tubmling in my head…

Do any of you remember TV show Ally McBeal? It is about this quirky accident-prone girl-lawyer that thinks too much and all the time. He cartoon alter ego (yes, there was one too) was always thinking, comparing, imagining, premoniting and prepositioning.

Well, I feel like Ally McBeal sometimes: overwhelmed and confused, lost and overburdened with millions and gazeellions of thoughts running though my head.

When I was a kid I used to ‘dream up’ a story just before I fall asleep. I could not fall asleep otherwise. This habit stayed with me into adulthood. However, I am hating this habit more and more each night. I can’t fall asleep at all.

Once I hit the pillow and start ‘dreaming up’ a story, the story interconnects with memory, then tags some other thoughts, then attaches itself to some half-forgotten hurt or feeling and on and on… into a huge snowball that keeps rolling on in the night…. until I make a conscious decision to think of something completely unreal (like imagining myself in my favourite TV series or in some distant times) and then I fall asleep. I have no bad feelings for imaginary people or situations…

Tumbling thoughts is my usual form of being. I think and overthink everything. No, I can’t take it easy. It won’t be me then. No, I can’t stop thinking… Once again, it won’t be me.

What do I do? I read… I read all the time and everywhere. I live the lives on the pages and on the E-reader. I read and I binge-watch crime drama (for law and order aspect) where everything is clear cut and hunky-dory at the end.

I read or watch to the point when my eyes are closing and my brain is shutting down. Then, I press a button or drop a book. I am done. No more tumbling thoughts.

These are my solutions. What are yours?

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